Posted By zac on February 1, 2010

Lizzy, my ten-year-old, wrote a poem this past weekend. It betrays her frustration with not being allowed to play outside — and her frustration with so much more.

Wait

I sit in my room and wait.
I wait to play outside.
To walk across a stream.
To catch squirrels with bait.

I count to ten and wait.
I wait to heal my dad.
To see my mom be glad.
I wait until too late.

I pace my room and wait.
I wait to catch butterflies.
To laugh and shout.
I wait for my fate.

I count sheep and wait.
I hear other kids playing.
I want to join them.
But meanwhile, I wait.

Category: The Un-Category | 10 Comments »
Tags: Lizzy, poem

Posted By zac on January 25, 2010

So I am back in the chemo ward. I am now doing a maintenance regimen to keep the tumors on my liver dormant. That involves a similar strategy as before: Leucovorin and 5FU given once a day for five days straight; repeat every month. The purpose of this is simply for the liver and has nothing to do with the growing problem in my abdomen.

The abdomen, unfortunately, is getting worse. The pain continues to increase and I can feel the concrete-like cancerous mesh as it expands. The only medical treatment for that is a complex de-bulking surgery combined with a brutal injection of hot chemotherapy drugs into the abdomen. That treatment, though, is not an option for me due to the state of my liver. There is no other chemo option for the abdomen. There is no real treatment except to take a variety of pain pills to deal with the pain. Needless to say, I am discouraged about that.

I am discouraged to be sitting in the chemo ward taking drugs that can not and will not make this all better, but rather are just a band-aid. And yet here I sit. I struggled with this decision. But I begged God for clarity and He gave it to me. He told me that this is what I should be doing right now.

The pain in my abdomen is very high. The disdain for chemo is very high. But my trust in God is very high. So even though it doesn’t make logical sense to me why I should be doing this, I do it out of obedience and trust.

Category: Cancer | 14 Comments »
Tags: Cancer, chemotherapy

Posted By zac on January 20, 2010

Bill Hybels has written a quick-flowing book on leadership called Axiom. While I enjoy reading leadership books, a potential problem with most of them is that they are largely theoretical. Hybels has written a book that is less theory and more experiential. He gives insights from his experience as a leader. The short chapters and the “Links” at the bottom of each chapter make this a valuable reference book, too. The way I read books on leadership is twofold: first, I read it as a leader of others and second, I read it as a leader of myself. In other words, the principles I learn I try to apply not only at work but also in my personal life.

Here are some excellent quotes from Axiom that are useful to me in leading others as well as leading myself:

• “Language matters!”
• “Effective consolidation earns you permission to enter yet another season of growth sometime in your future.”
• “Leaders, don’t ever apologize for the strength of feeling you have for the vision that God has put in your life.”
• “Incremental thinking, incremental planning, incremental prayers — it’s the kiss of death.”
• “Nothing is ever lost by leaving room for the surprising and supernatural emergence of a yes.”
• “I want an environment that helps keep blood pressure stable, the nuttiness quotient low, and fire drills and soap operas to a minimum.”
• “Keep the ‘church’ in church work.”
• “If a bunch of smart people who love God, love the church, and love each other will devote adequate time to these problems, there’s no mountain we can’t move.”
• “Stay prayed up, rested up, and committed to entering the tunnel of chaos whenever the Spirit prompts.”
• “Just say it!”
• “Friend, it’s as green as it’s gonna get in our world.”
• “The way I am doing the work of God is destroying God’s work in me. Something has to change. Soon.”
• “We have to get better about implementing what we can sustain.”
• “When you have clear, objectified data, you can plan better, you can make better decisions, and you can chart a surer course for your church.”
• “When we are focused on the right mission and have the right people executing roles that are consistent with their gifts and calling, I expect to see a bounce in people’s step, a sparkle in their eyes, joy in their hearts, and energy to spare.”
• “What life are you waiting for?”
• “Never once have I regretted taking the high road.”
• “If you are a serious-minded leader, you will read.”
• “We must fight for excellence because it is excellence that honors God.”
• “Admitting your mistakes says something profound about your basic integrity as a leader.”

Category: Book Reviews | No Comments »
Tags: Axiom, Bill Hybels, book review

Posted By zac on January 19, 2010

A friend asked me to compile some of my favorite blog posts. As I reflected on my blog, the past year has been momentous for me because it was the year that I found out I had cancer. So, my “favorites” seem to all have something to do with cancer. If I met someone for the first time and they wanted to know about me, I think the following blog posts would tell them more about me than I could succinctly describe.

Here are a few favorites from 2009:

• Cancer’s Immediate Effect Bolder And More Brazen
• Monopoly Spirituality
• Cancer As Goodness & Mercy
• Do You Do Well To Be Angry
• On Sufficiency

My personal favorite might be the poem I wrote while in the hospital:

• Cancer, Probably; A Poem

Also: the most viewed / shared item is the video that was made:

• Letter To Zac

Glory to God!

Category: Cancer | No Comments »
Tags: 2009, blogs, Cancer

Posted By zac on January 18, 2010

Thanks to the kindness of a variety of people, I was able to take a trip to New York City with Mandy and Lizzy. It was our first time in NYC. Lizzy’s wish was to go to the American Museum of Natural History. We got to fly up the Hudson and see the whole city from the air. We stayed at a great hotel right by the museum. We spent all day at the museum then visited Central Park. We ate well and rested well. Here are some pictures:

Category: The Un-Category | 3 Comments »
Tags: Lizzy, Mandy, New York City

Posted By zac on January 12, 2010

The book of Proverbs, in the Bible, has many recommendations for success. We are told to be fair, righteous, just and to seek wise counsel. But there is another character trait we should seek after: diligence.

According to the dictionary, one who is diligent is characterized by steady, earnest and energetic effort. According to the Bible, one who is diligent is characterized by riches, power, wealth, supply and abundance.

Proverbs 10:4 — A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.

Proverbs 12:24, 27 — The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor. Whoever is slothful will not roast his game, but the diligent man will get precious wealth.

Proverbs 13:4 — The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.

Proverbs 21:5 — The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.

So we can conclude that one who is steady, earnest and energetic is one who is richly supplied. Stop being slack, lazy and slothful.

But there is more. When the Hebrew word charuwts is used as an adjective in the book of Proverbs, it is translated as “diligent,” as in bold above. When it is used as a noun in Proverbs, it is poetically translated as “gold,” as in bold below.

Proverbs 3:13-14 — Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold.

Proverbs 8:10, 19 — Take my instruction instead of silver, and knowledge rather than choice gold. My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold, and my yield than choice silver.

Proverbs 16:16 — How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.

Therefore, it is good to be diligent, but there is something better than diligence: wisdom and understanding. What does this all mean?

I conclude that it is our duty to be diligent (steady, earnest and energetic) in what we do, but we must also continually focus on acquiring wisdom, instruction and understanding from God. We must balance our leaning on Him — our trust in Him — with our own steady doings.

Category: The Un-Category | 4 Comments »
Tags: diligence, proverbs

Posted By zac on January 3, 2010

In the book of Joel, God promises the arrival of His Spirit upon mankind.

Joel 2:28-29 — And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions. Even on the male and female servants in those days I will pour out my Spirit.

To the Israelites, the idea of God’s Spirit being on various humans contradicted what they knew about the office of prophet. Prophets were enabled by God to speak forth that which God Himself was saying to them (see Numbers 12:6). They preached to the people and they interceded to God on behalf of the people. They were the mouthpiece of God; a unique role for a select few. Joel’s passage indicates a massive outpouring of the Spirit on humanity. In Acts 2, Joel’s prophecy came true:

Acts 2:2-4 — And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. And divided tongues as of fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance.

So God had promised hundreds of years earlier that His Spirit would arrive. Jesus had promised before He left earth that the Spirit, as a Comforter, would arrive. And then one morning, while the first Christians were gathered, the Spirit arrived. Peter got up and preached immediately following this amazing event and three thousand people believed in Jesus as their Messiah that day.

The cool thing is that amazing things happen when God’s Spirit is involved. The cooler thing is that God’s Spirit is still here. He is still poured out on those who believe in Jesus. His job is to speak to us, to guide us, to comfort us.

Thank you, God, for the gift of Your Spirit! May we be attentive and malleable in Your hands.

Category: Weekly Jib Jab | 2 Comments »
Tags: acts, Holy Spirit, Joel, Numbers

Posted By zac on January 1, 2010

It is 2010. A new year; a new decade. And while I am somewhat opposed to “New Year Resolutions,” I anticipate a few changes in the coming weeks — specifically with my priorities.

Pardon my honesty, but with the amount of pain I am experiencing, it is difficult to imagine being around for the entirety of 2010. I really want to be around. And I believe it is possible to be around. But you should understand that the obvious condition that I am in affords me a great desire to evaluate priorities. So here are a few things I have come up with:

• My main focus in life continues to be pouring into my wife and children — I want to invest as much time and energy into them as possible
• At work, my main focus is to pour into my amazing team at NewSpring Central Operations — newly restructured for greater efficiency and productivity
• In a broader sense, I am focusing on ministry THROUGH the suffering, not after it
• In an even broader sense, my simple life plan is to listen to God and obey what He says
• There are also many changes needed with regards to “free time”
  • As much as I want to pour into the people I love, I want to rest and relax with them, too
  • I am whittling down my RSS reader to under 75 subscriptions
  • I am whittling down my Twitter stream to under 200
  • I am discontinuing the Top Ten Gadgets — at least on a weekly basis
  • I am being extremely selective in what books I read
• Lastly, I want to travel with Mandy to some exotic places

This is probably not exhaustive, but it feels right to focus on focusing. I want to trim the excess; I want to be more productive with the time I have. So I appreciate all the prayers and continued encouragement. “The best is yet to come.”

Category: The Un-Category | 10 Comments »
Tags: 2010, New Year